Dating pregnancy after miscarriage
Dating pregnancy after miscarriage - dating site open soure cms
I didn’t think of the nursery, of the baby’s face, or of our pregnancy announcement as I had so often with my last pregnancy.This ambivalence began to creep in to all the areas of my life.
I realized suddenly that pregnancy, like life, is never guaranteed. What good was I doing myself to ignore and dismiss this pregnancy just because of some arbitrary timeline?Above all, I was sure that every pregnancy I ever had again would end up this way– that it would seem perfectly fine and then one day the baby would be dead with no explanation.I was sure that I would never again birth a healthy child, hold them to my breast and touch their tiny fingers and toes.We decided to go in to another pregnancy attempt with our hearts open and to hope always for the best. Each time I would begin to dream or think about this baby, I would hurry it from my mind.Even with these intentions, it was terrifying when I learned I was pregnant. I was afraid of loss, of course, but I also felt fiercely protective, and above all a homesickness and longing for the baby that our family would never get to meet. I threw myself in to work, or in to tasks and adventures with my daughter.I wanted to figure out my feelings, to rage and sob and hold my daughter without trembling.
I was so adamant that trying again wasn’t the right thing to do, until I looked inside myself and realized that my rejection of growing our family further was being fed and nourished by my Fear.
We had a couple exciting bits of news that I saw only the bad in– every victory at work was quickly dimmed by my estimations of what could go wrong.
My answer to everything was now: “Well, we’ll see how it goes. In my mind, I was waiting for the Second Trimester– the “safe time” where I could finally be happy and relieved.
Some Women’s breasts even leak the milk they had been developing for their child in these days afterwards.
I had always been a trusting person– able to believe that all would be OK even in the most stressful or unfortunate of circumstances, but now that felt idiotically naive.
I was so deeply afraid of the possible outcome of further loss that I was fighting of opening my heart again.